Wednesday, January 21, 2009


This year Helen and I will have been married for 39 years, and what wonderful years they have been, doing life and having fun together. I honour her for her love, integrity, charm, beauty, generosity, strength and for an amazing serving heart. She is not only a great wife, but also a fantastic mother and grandmother.Here are some things we have learnt on the road together that may help your relationships and marriage:
We have always been good at dealing with issues quickly, and having no secrets. Hidden things become the ground for problems and allow issues to fester. Withholding, sulking and bad moods are all forms of manipulation just as being angry and overbearing becomes controlling. Unforgiveness, offenses, bitterness and resentment are all breeding grounds for betrayal.Therefore be open and do not let the fear of rejection rob you from walking in the light.

A helpful Bible verse is:
1John 1.7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

A book I read many years ago defined Christain love in three words:
COMMITMENT - ACCEPTANCE - FORGIVENESSI am so thankful for Helen's unwavering commitment to me, and even when the closet door of my soul is open, and she became aware of my humanity, she still accepted me and forgave me. The first part of traditional Christian vows is to love honour and cherish.When love breaks down, it is often because of anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and control. These issues must be addressed, otherwise the relationship will become oppressive and dangerous when the power is one sided. Domestic violence is an ever increasing concern in our society.Love will always seek to understand the other person's need, honour is to value and place ones weight behind, and to cherish is to look after the other persons wellbeing, both practically and spiritually.
A helpful Bible verse is:
1 John 2.5 But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in Him. By this we know that we are in Him

It’s amazing how opposites do attract, but yet the Holy Spirit can weld two different types together as one. Even the way male and female respond can be quite different, but as we seek to understand one another, God builds us together as a powerful team. Discord in any relationship is an abomination to God, and the lack of unity removes God's hand of blessing. That is why we must sit down and work on things we can agree on, and be united together.

A helpful Bible verse is:
Amos 3.3 "How can two walk together unless they agree."

In the year 2000 Helen and I moved to London to establish what is now Equippers Church in London. We have found the adventures of faith like this, continue to build our lives together and keep us from being boring and predictable.One day, when taking our son Sam to Heathrow, Helen said, "I feel disappointed that I am not in New Zealand for your children." Sam in his wisdom replied to Helen, "Mum, the greatest legacy you can leave my children, is that you are still prepared to take risks for God."Faith, in it's very nature is an adventure, and keeps us in a healthy place of trusting God.
A helpful Bible verse is:
1John 5.4 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith

Helen and I throughout our marriage have walked with Godly purpose. We share the same passion for the House of God and love seeing the Gospel of the Kingdom of God established in peoples’ lives. Even though our functions may be different, we hold the same purpose. Because of this, we are able to work together in areas of giving and serving without friction. In fact, I believe this is one of the contributing reason why all our children love the House of God.
A helpful Bible verse is:
Philippians 3.14 I press towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus
May our relationships and marriages be linked together in 2009, so the blessing of God may continually be upon us.

1 comment:

Rachel Kate said...

Stumbled on your blog quite by accident and wow this post really encouraged me... not yet married myself, I've been thinking a lot lately if it's really all that it's cracked up to be. So thanks for the handy verses and wisdom.
Rachel (CRF - Whangarei)